I had a fun Christmas. I'm sitting here tired and my mind can see the day go by and unfold in my memory, but words fail to materialize out of the head. I do need to say that I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to hear my family sing Carols this year. It was all me, when I could sneak a moment, but yet the others didn't join in. Towards the end of the day, Steve & Bekki came and we all got to play with the little granddaughters, Taylor and Jaedyn who transformed into Fairies after opening their gifts.
Marilynn, Rachelle and James arrrived the day after Christmas. Busy day, but rich with family.
I'm tired beyond reason right now. I want to stay current on this blog thing, but I'm not doing a good job.
Well, maybe it shouldn't be about me. I'm worried about Erin as George gets ready to leave for a 6 month assignment. Worried about his driving in such hazardous conditions and being away for so long. I'm worried about not being there for Lauren when #4 little girl is born in February. I'm worried about Shawn as he has some disappointments and tragedy to overcome. I'm worried about Cait and whether or not she is saving enough money for school, missing too much church because she is working and maybe not keeping up with her day to day tasks because of work and Chris. I'm worried that Steve has such high expectations of himself that he is putting too much pressure on himself to do well is all that he does. I'm worried for Kellen that the pressures of a competitive academic environment will be too stressful for him as well. I worry! I feel anxious! I wish there were more I could do to relieve burdens and offer comfort. And that's just my children I'm worried about. I didn't even mention Dennis's family or my family.
I want to think that the New Year is a fun exciting blank page, but I see it as unchartered with no clear direction. It gets harder every year. This year I dread it. 2011 is going to beat me up!
I'm not one to suffer from seasonal depression and don't consider this to be a mental bump in the road. Things are hard. Economy still suffering putting hardships on the business. Grandma Martha's health is declining and it is getting harder to care for her in my home. I'm more trapped in my house than every before. I don't know. What can I say? The great beyond is just one more thing to endure.
This touched a nerve or something deep down with me. I too, have similar worries, though not so big as yours. Your words somehow comforted me, and helped me. We need to stay in better touch Max. I need it. Sometimes I feel so inadequate with Mary - and I feel unable to keep up. The future looks a bit bleak sometimes, doesn't it? How do you make decisions like this? I wish you luck and include you in my prayers.
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